The Price of Distraction

This time, I swear I had no idea I was speeding! Cha-ching again. We had just seen a sign and I was fervently explaining what a Prairie Dugout is to the kids. Blink! Blink! Blink! It should be duly noted that neither Grandma nor I had seen a speed limit sign in at least 50 miles. We assumed it was 70mph. Wrong-o. It was 60mph and I was pulled over for going 77mph.

The amazing part is that I was ridiculously distracted on this stretch of road. The noise from the back of the car is forever interrupting my focus, but every few miles I seemd to be actually stopping the car for one thing or another. Why? I was distracted by several things outside the car.

Apparently, in Minnesota, when a tiny sign says "road closed in 3 miles" it actually closes. They don't bother to actually block the road, or make it obvious that you need to exit immediately into no-mans land. One minute you're cruising along, and 5 minutes later the road is closed. A 3 mile U-turn sent us through some farmer's land and soon enough we were where we wanted to be. Shockingly efficient, if only I'd followed the tiny sign in the first place.

And then, the land changed again. The corn crops are at a different stage than when we were in Minnesota a couple of weeks ago. Look at the amber waves of grain. Ahh, it just gets into your soul, this land. Miles and miles of ever-changing landscapes. The sky has clouds floating right above you one minute, and the next minute it's clear and you're sitting inside a still snow globe.

Then the windmills appeared out of nowhere like holograms! I missed a picture of these driving at night in North Dakota and have been bummed about it ever since. These alien-like structures creep up on you one by one, until there's an army of them and you're fully surrounded. They literally go on as far as the eye can see. It's truly an arresting sight and I stopped for numerous pictures; I just couldn't get enough of them. When a parking lot with blades lying on the ground appeared by the side of the road, we had to stop yet again and actually get out. The enormity of an individual blade can hardly be described. They're smooth and lovely and when hooked up to the base, grandiose next to the wee farms they tower over.

So, I hope by this time you're not thinking I'm unfit to be behind the wheel. This ticket caught us all by surprise...

Walnut Grove, MN

All right, all right, I couldn't resist it! We had to detour into SW Minnesota to see Walnut Grove, the main Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum. We are literally driving on the Laura Ingalls highway, route 14. Can you stand it? I'm out of my mind excitedl!!!!

In the museum, Grandma and I walked around reading the notes for every picture (Pa's parents' wedding picture, Baby Grace grown up, Laura and her daughter Rose), and every item in the museum cases (Ma's china doll, Laura's 9-patch quilt, Pa's buffalo coat). Then it occurred to me that the kids were silent. This place was clever -- they had the Little House t.v. series on! I found my 3 Prairie Chicks mesmerized, staring up into the corner of the room at a small television.

Beyond the museum, there was a sod house, a church, a school house, a "Grandma's House" with signs that actually said, "Please Touch". It was pure heaven for them. We could barely get Doodle out of her bloomers and bonnet.

Moose Lake

One last stop to a candy store before taking off! Have I mentioned that we eat candy on road trips? I mean we eat it more than "in moderation." I let them try things they've never had and the little bags are a big thrill. Sour cherry balls rank #1 and shoestring licorice #2.

Driving North to Duluth confirmed two things. First, Minnesota roads are jammed with cars (compared to the rest of our trip). Second, the beautiful view is continually obscured by imposing billboards. Unlike Texas, where billboards sell boobs, boots and whiskey, these were preachy. There were plenty of pro-obesity buffet ads, Lynard Skynard concert locales, and addiction help lines. The Pro-life sector seemed to own the majority, however, which meant a fair share of fetuses stared back at us en route to Moose Lake. Nice.

Minnesota is the “Land of 10,000 Lakes” so it was imperative that we visit one. I needed dirt anyway. Moose Lake was a warm, grassy spot with just a few families picnicking and playing in the water. We all got our feet wet and soon enough Peanut was missing. Walking around a bend, through the murky marsh, I found her staring into her camera. She was purely delighted having just found a frog!

Niece's MN Post

I’m amazed at the stark contrast going from Stanton, ND – the most rural place I’ve been, where I had to climb up a cliff just to get cell service. Now, 8 hours later, I’m in the middle of the most urban place I’ve ever been, nestled in the heart of Minneapolis. It’s so fascinating how connected the city is with all the skybridges (Peanut counted something like 75 skybridges!) so the winters must be pretty bad here.

I also noticed that the billboards really bug me. I like how CurlyTop explained it to her kids. “They’re just advertisements that we’re being forced to look at even if we aren’t interested in those things. They’re stuck in our minds anyway, and that’s what they want.”

The Sculpture Park was beautiful and massive! (I didn’t even know they had a Sculpture Park in Houston, where I live, and now I’m going to have to check it out.) One of my favorites was the Octopus by Alexander Calder and the Spoon. When the family was playing miniature golf (a really cool concept for educating the public on environmental issues), I wanted to go back to the sculptures, thinking I must have missed some. The art really impressed me and the flower gardens were so beautiful.

I saw a lot of diversity in Minneapolis, even more than in Houston. Like I saw this cross-dresser all done up in a beautiful long gown and heels, but with a long beard! There were a lot of interracial and same-sex couples around, too. And there were these cool dark squirrels in the park, today. I’ve never seen those before!

But this city is living in some sort of weird fear. Tomcat went into the new library and they wouldn’t let him take any pictures. He said, “You’re kidding me! This is a public place.” The cop said, “Sorry, due to terrorist concerns there can be no photography.” And there were signs like “We ban guns in our restaurant.” Lots of weird things like that.

At the Mall of America I somehow convinced Peanut to go on this scary Spongebob ride. I knew it was going to be a rough one when we got in the seats and she disappeared into the massive bar of protection. At the beginning of the ride it went straight up – completely vertical – and she looked up at me and said, “I don’t liiike this!” She had no idea what was coming her way. After we crested the top, we careened down one of the fastest and jerkiest rides I’ve ever been on. I liked it, but I could tell Peanut was very uneasy. I felt terrible because I knew exactly how she felt; I remember my dad doing the same thing to me at Astroworld. She was pretty brave though.

It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a song stuck in my head this long, too. “E Eats Everything….”

Mall of America

Legoland was Little Man’s destination of choice. Even as he played a perfect Farmer Boy in North Dakota, he’d suddenly blurt out, “The day after tomorrow is Legoland!!” We were all excited about the indoor roller coaster, too. As it turned out Legoland was smaller than we’d imagined, and the Nickelodian Adventure Park blew us away. Who knew there could be so many thrilling roller coasters in the middle of a mall? The entire experience is “Legoland” to them.

In the Lego shop we got some souvenirs for our neighbors and ourselves. Tomcat chose a Princess Leia slave girl key-chain for me (irony duly noted if you read the previous post). I chose a Death Star luggage charm for him. I also got a rubber Lego cake pan with a promise to make a cake the minute we return home. Niece got the cutest R2D2 key-chain. Doodle surprised us all by choosing a pink Lego. Little Man chose 2 little kits (a space ship and a street sweeper) and Peanut wanted a gold Lego – free with a $75 purchase. I was shocked to find we surpassed that number with no effort at all! Darn tourist traps!

We were faced with incredulous stares as my kids asked who such and such characters were. They know who Dora is because we have a couple of books but that’s about it! Doodle was too short to go on the roller coasters, so while the others went, I took her to some little rides. We all met up afterwards and did the Log Ride together – clearly the best one out there. It was SO much fun. We agreed every one could choose one more ride before leaving for Wisconsin. Little Man and I went on the roller coaster he’d already been on, and I was thoroughly sick afterwards. Man, I’m getting old! Doodle took her dad on her favorite hot air balloon ride. And Niece and Peanut went on a ride that scared my baby girl to death.

Something we need to shake off

We met our first asshole of the trip. At the Sculpture Garden, there was a white man speaking Chinese to his 2 children and allowing them to climb all over the enormous sculptures. Never mind the “Don’t climb on the sculptures” signs posted everywhere. Well, our kids saw this and wanted to climb. I quietly said, “We’re going to respect the artists and not climb on their art.” Doodle then screamed, “But dose dirls are timbing!” The man noticed us and I said, “Well, they’re on a different program than us.” The man looked over, pointing to his kids and said, “Aah, they’re just a couple of idiots!”

We all stared at him and I retorted, “What an awful thing to say!” He gave me a ‘whatever’ look and we all walked off kind of shaken.

I immediately told Niece about our experience teaching English in South Korea many moons ago. While we enjoyed getting to know most of the American/Canadian expat “sang-seh-nihm” (Korean word for “teacher”), there were the few expat a-hole males there, who were on a mission to find a submissive Asian woman, and then proceed to boss her around for the rest of her life. I heard the guy utter all of one sentence and I would have bet $1,000 bucks he was one of said a-holes.

Minnesota -- State #14

Eight hours later we arrived in Minneapolis. We literally had to hike through a marsh to get to the welcome sign and rather than complain, the kids were thrilled to finally get their hands on some cattails. The real thrill, however, was that Tomcat was waiting for us!

I thought Doodle was going to combust in her seat. He’d arrived a couple of hours earlier, checked us into our hotel, and then met us at the Sculpture Garden. Peanut has a postcard with “Spoonbridge and Cherry” from my first visit here when she was wee. My friend who first brought me here still lives here, but is out of town right now. Pits! This is one of my favorite art locales – home to two Calder pieces – and I adore Alexander Calder.

Across the street was “Walker on the Green” a really small, kid-friendly and not overwhelming Miniature Golf. I highly recommend this for any of you with budding environmentalists. So clever and effective, these artists!

Night was falling as we reached our hotel. Peanut was grumpy when we arrived because she wasn't finished counting all the skywalks!

Minnesota License Plate